For some people, life feels nothing less than a classic romantic movie when they start seeing a certain person.
Over-the-top gestures, a whirlwind of compliments, extravagant presents, undivided attention… a day with this person seems like you are reading the bookmarked page from your favorite romantic novel.
Of course… you feel special, loved, valued, and validated. For some, it is just the early stages of the honeymoon phase. For the others, it’s the scary reality of being “love-bombed” or emotionally abused by a narcissist. The worst part? The victims are absolutely clueless about it.
How do you know if you are being love-bombed?
It might be tricky to detect the difference between getting butterflies in your stomach upon meeting someone new and the overwhelming anxiety of experiencing love bombing by an emotional abuser.
The ramped-up supply of dopamine and endorphins makes the victim feel good and ecstatic in the early stages of the love bombing process. Until the abuser turns the tables and presents an aspect of themselves unrecognizable to the victim.
Is your intuition telling you that you are love-bombed? If yes, then I’m here to help you out with the classic signs that are indicative of a love bomber situation.
Top 3 signs a narcissist is love bombing you –
- A week hasn’t passed, and you are their “twin flame”
A whirlwind romance where things move faster than the speed of light? Sounds great in Hollywood but real life seldom works that way.
You may have met this person a few weeks ago. Maybe, you have known this person for years but started communicating only recently.
Yet for some weird reason, this person calls you their twin flame or soulmate. What’s even weirder? It feels good to you.
You may find the narcissist using flattering phrases like –
- I’ve finally found my soulmate. It’s you.
- We’re meant to be together.
- Till now, I’ve spent my entire life searching for someone like you.
- Of course, we have to meet! It was in our destiny.
- Raining compliments that are soothing to your deep-seated insecurities
What is a narcissist without their constant compliments that just hit the right spots?
Narcissists may be devoid of empathy. But they are experts in faking emotions and finding your trigger points.
On a bright sunny day, you can find the mind of a narcissist struggling to find their victim’s deepest insecurities and weakest spots. What else?
They know the right words at the right time to sing praises about the exact things for which you want to feel validated. Hear the narcissist go on like –
- Do you have any idea that your chubby cheeks make you look so much cuter than the others?
- I’ve never met anyone like you before.
- I’m in love with the way you laugh. It’s unique and it makes you sexier.
- I love how opinionated you are!
Don’t be shocked if the man or the woman of your dreams changes their phrases over time into something unimaginable like these –
- Can’t you work out? You will look much prettier then… almost like the other ladies.
- I’ve never met a charming man like John. Still, I love you.
- Don’t you think you should change the way you laugh? I mean, it doesn’t suit you.
- Is it compulsory to have an opinion about everything?
Be certain that you are or were being subjected to emotional abuse when your partner starts making disparaging comments about the same things for which they once showered you with compliments.
Also, the narcissist keeps adding to their list of snide comments. Don’t underestimate their capability to insult their victims in their own new and innovative ways.
They will raise your self-esteem by praising your insecurities then break your mental image by downplaying them again and again. The cycle will continue till you lose track of reality and start believing their words.
- Personal space and obvious boundaries? What’s that?
We break our boundaries in relationships. We explore the unknown and dive into something that seems risky yet the love for adventure makes us go deep anyway.
Yet, there are some obvious boundaries that every healthy relationship should have. There is a much-wanted personal space that remains not only in romantic relationships but all kinds of relationships ever known.
But when a narcissist makes you their object to rule over, forget everything about some much-needed self-time that keeps you sane.
They would say words like –
- Are you with your friends? You sound so jolly right now. I can never make you as happy as they do.
- I want to spend each and every minute of my time with you.
- I constantly check on you because I care about you.
- Hey, what’s your Instagram password?
Your partner keeps checking on you? Hear your friends saying “awww” from a distance. But is the concern and care becoming overwhelming?
Do they care so much that you feel ashamed to specify boundaries? Do you feel guilty when you take time to catch up with your friends instead of giving another Sunday evening to this person?
If your partner guilt trips you when you talk about personal space and alone time, you are being love-bombed.
Also, what’s their obsession with your social media and jealousy with your friends? My advice is – Run away!
What makes Love Bombing so dangerous?
“What’s wrong with my partner loving me so much so early in our relationship?”, and then, “So what if he treats me like a being unworthy of love, concern, and respect right now? I’m sure it’s because of something I’ve done, right?” – You may ask.
I don’t blame you. The same question is asked by every victim who is unaware of the reality and blames themselves for their partner’s abuse.
The human mind feels indebted to return the love and attention they receive from someone they love. When someone instantly loads you with so much love that makes you feel overwhelmed, you ignore all the red flags and continue to return the loyalty and dedication in loving this person even if the dynamics of the relationship have entirely changed for the worse.
Here comes the horrifying part – Once the love bomber knows they have got you hooked, their ego is boosted. Now, they have no interest in keeping up with you any longer. Now starts the process of withdrawing from the relationship, also known as “The Discard Phase”.
Love Bombing Leads to the Discard Phase –
The formula of narcissists is simple – idealize, devalue, discard.
They start the process by idealizing their victims using love bombing and other sinister methods.
Once they are assured that trust is gained, bond is formed and some dominance has been gained, they start the process of devaluing their victims. This is done with the help of disparaging comments, striking comparisons, hurling abuses, gaslighting, and making them feel invalidated and unworthy until they lose every ounce of their self-esteem.
When the abuser analyzes that there is nothing left to soak from the victim, who is usually an empath, they discard them. In simple words, they move on to their next victim while making sure they can come back to their past victims as per their liking.
They usually come back when they need a boost of ego and self-confidence which they otherwise lack. Once their purpose is done, they leave again to come back again and this cycle continues.
Without a doubt, this is very traumatic for the victim who keeps suffering and often suffers from PTSD due to the narcissistic abuse.
Here’s what you can do if you are being love bombed –
It’s normal to feel attached to a love bomber. After all, they are an expert in finding out your insecurities and feeding upon them. You think your manipulator gets you and loves you in a way no one else can.
Not everyone is a narcissist. For some, it’s just the honeymoon phase of a relationship or the person is crushing extra hard over you in the initial stages of dating.
In such cases, it’s advised to have a conversation like this –
“I think things are moving way too fast for us. Let’s have some boundaries and take it slowly from now onwards.”
Things are different when someone is trying to control you or manipulate you. In such cases, the best you can do is to isolate yourself safely from the situation. You can start by taking them out of your life and blocking them. Seek support from your loved ones and reach out to trusted people.
A third-person perspective is very essential in recognizing the red flags that a victim tends to ignore. If required, seek professional help.
It is always better to seek support rather than struggle alone with your mental health. On that note, here I am, signing off.
